Primitive Technology: CRAFTING a Zombie Meat Harvester

Hunting zombies is hard. It took me over two hours to climb that tree. This is what their meat looks like. I eat it to survive. I need to CRAFT something to harvest more than one zombie at a time! First tool I need to craft is a stone axe. The recipe is easy: stone + sticks. Not showing off or anything, but I’m really strong. Short fences are great for keeping the zombies out of my camp. And for controlling their movement, which we’ll need later. Thankfully they’re stupid and don’t realize they could just climb right over them. One time I got lost in a mine for 10 weeks. Never again. However, I found these neat crystals there. I’m going to use them to craft a BIG and STRONG axe that can cut through more than one zombie at once. Sometimes I forget the crafting recipes. I used to be able to just look them up online. I really don’t wanna go back to the mines for more crystals. Notice how I use their ultra-rare gold-tier gypsum crystals. Makes a big difference. Sweet! Since I’m alone all the time I think a lot about my old life, before the apocalypse. I had a house, a family, just my meemaw and my brother… …but it was all destroyed in the great war. Somtimes I try to forget it, but I cant… Anyways, don’t forget to tie the blade down really tight or your might have an accident. I call this guy Tony because his face looks like a piece of a pizza. Let’s slice him up! Surprise, here comes bitch boy to steal my morsels. He’s my neighbor, too. I need to find a way to keep the meat from flying into the woods. Very frustrating. I’m crafting a chute and backboard to guide the meat back into the camp. Fun fact: this is my only pair of underwear. What you’re witnessing is AN ACT OF WAR! Mission: Infiltrate Bitch Boy’s Camp and Straight-Up Murder Him I regret my decision to kill him. Spoiler alert: I got my camera back. I also apologized for calling him “bitch boy”. He used ME as the final piece in making my harvester operational. The trip wire was a good idea, too. The meat we got was a little tough however. Look how rigid the meat is. My neighbor claims to be a decent chef as well. Time for a taste of our labors… Taste test! Verdict?

100 thoughts on “Primitive Technology: CRAFTING a Zombie Meat Harvester

  1. Half way through I was like "Hey, this is kinda like a last day on earth parody" then at the end he mentions last day on earth

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