(upbeat music) – Now the one in the feather
boa, that’s Dr. Francis. Now she used to be a man. I don’t know, I don’t know, we were watching TV and then
he pooped in Monica’s shoe. – You know I don’t mean to brag but I waited tables at Innsbrook in ’76. Amuse bouche? – I know this is gonna
sound really stupid, but I feel, I feel that if I can do this, if I can actually do my own laundry, there isn’t anything I can’t do. Yes! Did you see that? – You were incredible! – Do you ever just feel like sometimes you are so unbelievable uncoordinated? – What? You just click when they click. I am so sorry. I know you probably
think this is all about what I said the other night about you making love with your
socks on, but it isn’t. It isn’t, it’s about me. – [Ross] Okay, can people stop? – You won’t even taste it? – No. – Not even if you just
pretend that it’s milk? – Not even if Carol’s breast had a picture of a missing child on it. – Seriously, where did you get the hat? I’m never gonna find a boyfriend again. Die an old maid. – You’re not gonna die an old maid. Maybe an old spinster cook. – Thanks. Sure, what? Okay. Music? – [Radio Announcer] The
next one’s dedicated to Rachel from Ross. – Hey. Where’s Joey? Okay, it’s about Alan. There’s something that you should know. There’s really no easy way to say this. I’ve decided to break up with Alan. It’s on us all right, so don’t
worry, this is our treat. – It just feels like… – Like? – Charity. – Charity? – We’re just trying to
do a nice thing here. – So, Rach, you wanna
save this wrapping paper? I mean it’s only a little bit torn, so are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I just throw it out? – Oh! There’s no orange juice in there, we win. – They have another guess. – Okay well we won that one. – Men are here. – Well the tough thing is she really wants to have sex with me. – Crazy bitch. All right, now try taking a puff. Right. – What? – Relax your hand. Let your wrist go. Not so much. – Oh!
– Hey. – Hey. – Hey buddy, what’s up? Oh, she told you about that huh? Well okay, thanks. – Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture,
the stereo, the good TV. What did you get? – You guys. – You got screwed.
– Oh God. – Oh my God. – Whose little ball of paper is this? – Oh that would be mine,
see, I wrote a note to myself and then I realized I didn’t need the note so I balled it up and
now I wish I was dead. – We make fire. What, you think I’m
gonna tell a girl I like that I’m also seeing a cup? – Hey.
– Hey. Where have you been? – I just got back from the vet. – She’s not gonna make
you wear one of those big plastic cones is she? – Come in. Paul this is, everybody. Everybody, this is Paul. – Me and Chandler live
right across the hall, and he’s away a lot. – Joey, stop hitting on
her, it’s her wedding day. – What, like there’s a rule or something? (knocking on door) Hold on, you knew? – Of course I knew, what do you think? – Ma, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but, what the hell are you talking about? Yeah I’m an actor. – Wow. Would I have seen you in anything? – Oh I doubt it. Mostly regional work. – Unless you happened to catch the wee one’s production of Pinocchio. – Look Geppetto, I’m a real live boy. – I will not take this abuse. – No. – Ew, uh. – Nuh-uh, no, no don’t. Stop cleansing my aura. No just leave my aura alone, okay? – Hey. – Hey. – So um, did she? – I mean I know she’s gone,
but I just don’t feel… – Maybe that’s ’cause
she’s not really gone. – No no, she’s gone. – No I mean maybe no one ever really goes. – Well now, how come you guys have never played poker with us? – Yeah what is that, like
some kind of guy thing? Like some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it’s poker so only guys can play. – We just don’t happen to know any women that know how to play poker. – Oh please, that is such a lame excuse. I mean it’s a typical guy response. – Excuse me, do any of
you know how to play? – [All] No. – But you could teach us. – Ooh. – Yeah. Ooh, ooh yeah, you know. Did you notice how he
always starts his stories with okay I was so wasted,
or we were so bombed, or oh ooh ooh, so I wake up and I’m in this dumpster in Connecticut. – Hi! – Hi! – Ross is wearing leather pants.